


easier to navigate one's reality

by haipollai



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, being alone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 08:46:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5533049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haipollai/pseuds/haipollai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>That gets Finn’s attention. His fingers pause in their practiced movements and for a second he looks like he’s going to bolt but then his shoulders ease and he goes back to his work. “Gotta get used to that,” he mumbles.</p>
<p>“To what?” Poe can’t resist asking, leaning a little bit closer.</p>
<p>A nervous smile twists Finn’s lips. “Attention. Growing up...It wasn’t a good thing.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	easier to navigate one's reality

Poe somehow isn’t surprised when he finds Finn outside the armory. He has a blaster in pieces in front of him and is diligently cleaning it out to ensure nothing interferes with the trigger and laser cartridge. He’s still wearing the jacket which Poe tries not to think too much about though it’s hard to avoid the way everyone else notices it.

Poe sits down in front of him, staying quiet so he doesn’t interrupt Finn’s focus. He’s something to watch like this, without the bravado he wraps himself in otherwise. This is what he knows and he’s confident in how well he knows it. Nothing to prove.

It’s how Poe feels when he’s in a cockpit.

“You can talk,” Finn finally says as he finishes oiling up a spring.

“Just wanted to watch.”

That gets Finn’s attention. His fingers pause in their practiced movements and for a second he looks like he’s going to bolt but then his shoulders ease and he goes back to his work. “Gotta get used to that,” he mumbles.

“To what?” Poe can’t resist asking, leaning a little bit closer.

A nervous smile twists Finn’s lips. “Attention. Growing up...It wasn’t a good thing.”

Poe clenches a fist to hold himself back from doing something stupid. “I’ve got your back, you know that right?”

Finn snaps something on the blaster back into place. “I know.” He picks up the barrel from the arrangement of parts on the ground in front of him, practically caressing it. Poe licks his lips unconsciously. “Thanks. It means a lot.”

Poe shoves back his thoughts, they’re not what Finn needs from him. “Of course, Finn. Always.”

“I’m trying to get used to being alone, but it’s not easy.” He frowns and sets down the pieces of the blaster, staring at it as if it could tell him what to say. Poe reaches for him, grabbing Finn’s hand, wanting to reassure him. He’s not sure what it is about him but from the beginning from the first moment he decided to trust a stormtrooper in the heart of a First Order ship, he’s needed to be there for him.

“You don’t have to make yourself.”

Finn looks up at him finally. “Yes I do. I can’t be weak, Poe. I don’t know how to stop running-” Poe pulls on his hand, pulling Finn into his lap. Poe’s other hand curls around his jaw, holding him in place when he kisses Finn. At first there’s nothing, there’s no magic but then Finn scrambles - Poe doesn’t know if he knows any other way to move - up and kisses back. He’s clutching at Poe’s shirt like a lifeline. Poe wants to assure him he’s not drowning, but that would mean ending the kiss and he’s not ready to do that either. It’s frantic, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Finn’s eyes are closed when the kiss ends. “That...we…”

“You’re not weak,” Poe insists.

His eyes open slowly, and stay fixed on Poe’s lips. “We weren’t allowed this. In the Order. No-” he swallows hard. “No unauthorized fraternization. Reproduction was tightly controlled so we…”

Poe rests his hand on the back of Finn’s neck, the collar of the jacket, worn and softened over so many years, brushing his skin. “I can stop.”

“Don’t you dare, Dameron. I’ll steal BB-8 from you.”

“That’s cruel,” he says as he presses his lips to Finn’s again. It’s still frantic, they’re trying to say too much and promise too much but neither of them want to stop. Poe grabs the jacket itself, hauling Finn fully into his lap so they’re pressed flush together. 

Finn grins as he pulls back, sitting up on his knees so he’s looking down at him. “Guess you can’t stop kissing then. And you know. Everything else.” His shirt has pulled up over his stomach and Poe takes a chance, resting a hand on Finn’s hip just so he can run this thumb over smooth skin.

“Everything else,” Poe repeats. “Asking for a lot.”

“Aren’t you a hero?” 

“Didn’t say I wouldn’t give it to you. You’re not alone here, Finn.” 

“But-”

Poe frowns at him. “Stop it.”

Finn gets a mischeivious glint in his eyes and leans back as far as he can without moving off of Poe. “You going to make me?” Poe laughs and leans into him, sending them both falling to the ground. Finn yelps sending Poe scrambling off of him. The neat arrangement of blaster parts is ruined now, everything scattered everywhere.

“Shit, shit sorry.”

“I guess I should- I should finish this.” Finn gets up to move back to the position Poe first found him in and starts gathering everything up. Poe considers moving, he’s being a distraction, he might end up kissing Finn again. Except Finn is shrugging out of the jacket because something had gotten lost in a sleeve and Poe watches the shift of muscle under skin highlighted by the dark grey shirt Finn has on.

“I guess I should…” He says anyway, needing to put in the effort.

“Don’t.” Finn’s hands go still.

Poe rolls onto his side, propping himself up on an elbow to watch. “You sure?”

Finn gives him a small smile, his lips still red from the kiss, red from Poe. “I don’t like being alone. Grew up in a barracks.” He runs his fingers through Poe’s hair, laughing when Poe makes a face at the tug on his curls. “So I guess. Don’t leave me alone.”

Poe knows how important Finn’s self-image is to him. He saw the bravado from the beginning, maybe because it does it so often himself. This feels important so Poe sits up so he can be at Finn’s side, pressing shoulder to shoulder. “Show me what you’re doing, and I’ll teach you how to fly.” He kisses Finn’s temple, like sealing a deal.

“Ok. Gotta keep up flyboy.”

“Who the fuck told you that? I’m better than any flyboy,” he huffs.

“So you say. Now here, hold this.” He shoves something into Finn’s hands and starts to explain, listing off everything like a textbook had been drilled into his skull but at the same time, he feels at ease and relaxed against Poe’s side. He’s enjoying this, maybe it’s having Poe there, or anyone would do but Finn isn’t alone and he’s letting Poe see this.


End file.
